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Movie Review: Bratz

Bratz 0/5

OK, so watching loads of movies means that I also watch rubbish movies even when I know they’re going to be bad. Bratz was one of these movies. Bratz is a line of kids dolls based on bling and ‘real’ girls. Translating this onto the big screen must have been a challenge as they would have to keep up the appeal to young kids and mums so that they continue buying these morally wrong toys. There were so many things wrong with this movie so I have listed some here for your perusal:

  • The Chinese girl can get changed and have a hair makeover in about 30 seconds in public into an outfit that stays with her for the rest of the film.
  • The black cheerleader turns into a 30 something white overweight woman when she does cartwheels.
  • The poor soccer girl turns into a 30 something overweight woman when she plays football.
  • Oscar winning Jon Voight couldn’t give a **** about being in this film and puts in a stunningly poor performance as a crap headmaster/principle.
  • The deaf kid can hear himself talk and therefore speak perfectly.
  • The deaf kid can lip read without looking at lips.
  • The kids age by 2 years by driving motored vehicles but dress up exactly the same way.
  • The bad girl in this film is exactly the same type of bad girl seen in about every tween movie including high school musical.
  • A scholarship is awarded to the winner of the talent contest. Since when does a scholarship go to someone good at singing over someone who is good at maths?
  • The poor girl is looked down upon and pitied by even her own friends in the film making any viewer with less than £400k in their bank account feel like wringing all their necks.
  • The girls seem to make the party food with play dough toys.
  • The girls appear to make play dough food.
  • The songs are really bad.
  • The plot is really bad.
  • The poor girl mimes over a singer who sounds a lot older.
  • All the girls have walk in wardrobes yet none have an ensuite bathroom.
  • The kid who gets a football in his belly squeals at the most pathetic kick.
  • The bad girl wanted to win the scholarship. She would not need a scholarship.
  • The bad girl had an MTV sweet 16 party yet her dad is only a headmaster.
  • All the kids in the school want to go to this pretentious party even though no one likes the girl.

The flaws go on and on and on! With all things reflected the director (Sean McNamara) should stop making kiddie movies and concentrate instead on fermenting cheese. At that note I should say that this film deserves nobodies time. I feel really sorry for those parents whose kids will be receiving this film as a DVD as they are going to probably play this aweful thing over and over again studying the fashion if that’s what you want to call it. Even High school musical is better than this absolute trash. With that in mind I award this film a whopping flat zero out of 20 million.

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